Zia Sopapilla

You're a moderate.  You're a Christmas kind of person. Red, green, you love it all.  You believe New Mexico chile kicks Colorado chile's ass and you will fight about it.  You realize Hatch isn't superior to other New Mexico chile strains and feel like Lemitar is where it's at.  You have a ristra given to you by your Tia when you got your own place 15 years ago.  It pisses you off when people spell chile, "chili".  You love this state and have a Zia tattoo. You love bolo ties and think it's sexy to wear it, and only it, when two-stepping with your lover. You have quite the turquoise jewelry collection and your grandkids aren't excited to inherit it. Those ungrateful little shits. You know the name of every county in the state, including Quay. Where the fuck is that?! You collect arrow heads. You rewatch episodes of Yellowstone for comfort. You're a traditionalist and some might call you a neo-luddite. You hate the internet and believe we're ...

The annual Balloon Fiesta kicked off to amazing start yesterday, with some unexpected guests showing up this year. Organizers were surprised when a tour bus full of Juggalos pulled up asking where to park. Parking attendant Angel Gonzales assisted the bus and told us, "yeah, it was just a whole bus of people in makeup, excited about balloons. I kind of dug it." Upon parking, the Juggalos were surprised at how boring and family friendly the whole event was. "We were drawn to the event because we fucking love balloons. But we realized early on we could not boof comfortably. There's a lot of kids man." said Angry Angelo, a juggalo visiting from Kansas City. He went on to say, "We ate a lot of really, great food and got so sleepy." Angel Gonzales told us about an army of clowns with balloons yelling "whoop whoop", to no response. "Eventually the clowns just fell asleep." she said. Visitors to the festival confirmed sleeping juggalos and...

A recent study discovered that New Mexicans have a 25% higher divorce rate than the national average. According to the study from the Hispano Chamber of Commerce, New Mexico's divorce rate is a whopping 55%. That's all high.  What are New Mexican couples fighting about, anyway? We at Zia Sopapilla have a theory.  Deciding what to eat 3 times a day is hard. You'd think that knowing you want chile with every meal would make it easier, but as a New Mexican, that's only half the battle. The triggering question, "que quieres comer?", coupled with the red vs. green conundrum is a recipe (jejeje) for disaster. We know we want chile, but in, or on, what? THAT, mis amigos, is what's breaking up New Mexican families. If you yourself are that undecided, having to make a decision with someone else is exponentially more difficult. Hence, high divorce rates. To save marriages and, honestly, New Mexican lives, we built a handy tool called,  The Hungry Indecisive New Mexi...

New Mexico Announces "Poquito" and "All kinds" as Acceptable Units of Measurement In a "measure" (jaja) passed by New Mexico state Senate on Tuesday, "poquito" and "all kinds" were deemed acceptable units of measurement in state schools. "This is a huge step in removing the shackles of the imperial system as well as the unrealstic expectations of the metric system." said Senator Lucero. As is customary, you add un poquito and try not to put all kinds in the chile. This is familiar in the community and we at the Zia Sopapilla try to use only un poquito de sal, pero all kinds of humor. We stand behind the Senate and hope they take it nationwide.

  ¿Tres Leches? ¿Por qué no cuatro?  City Co uncilman Roger Fernandez introduced a controversial bill to change to the city's official cake ingredients to include a 4th leche. He questions traditional values with progressive stances on inclusiveness. He asks the community, " ¿Tres Leches? ¿Por qué no cuatro?" Councilwoman Montoya said, "Changes to the city's favorite pastry is taken very seriously and we hope that as a governing body, we make the right decision for the people of Las Vegas, NM."  Citizens are asking, "what is this 4th leche anyway?" Councilman Fernandez said in a statement on Wednesday, "I have been forced to change my diet and now have to drink almond leche. I want to feel like I still belong in the community. I'm sure other lactose intolerant people feel left out and that's all sad." Protests are being planned by leche purists and will take place before the vote on Wednesday July 8th at City Hall. The meeting wil...

Decorated Descansos This week's saddest roadside attractions This week's featured descansos are brought to you by Baca Auto and Martinez Heating.  Week of June 26th First of all, siento mucho. It's sadness that brings our species together. Nothing says, "this is exactly where someone died" better than a cross and santitos distracting others on the side of the road.  Each week we feature the newest descansos popping up around the community. Take a drive, say some prayers and enjoy a weekend of collective grief. Michael Mora (01/04/1965 - 05/30/24) Michael Mora's familia has decorated a hand carved cross made of piñon tree and aspen. A gorgeous piece of work, adorned with flowers and Michael's favorite Bronco jersey. Visit route 57 on the corner near the tiendita. Pray the rosary there and receive one free sin from the good lord above. Maria Sena (03/21/1933 - 06/01/24) Maria Sena, abuelita to many, was laid to rest in early June. She died tragically in walk...

After a prolonged bout of stage 4 cottonmouth, Lil Carne Seca is in need of extensive dental work to repair months of having like, no spit. Elder homie, H2Og, arguably our crew’s most hydrated toker, tried to warn Lil Carne Seca, but he wouldn’t listen. H2Og is quoted as saying, “Eee now that fool is going to need a GoFundMe.” As of press time, no one cared enough to set up the campaign, but the crew decided they’ll do it, “after this last joint.”  We’ll update as we get more information. Thoughts and prayers to the homie Lil Carne Seca. We told you, a. 

 LAS VEGAS, NM, Feb 30, 2022 -- After two Public Speaking classes at Highlands, Mama Dolores creates a a riveting Master Class on heño based parenting. Class to be held at Our Lady of Sorrows Parish Hall. Learn her tried and true methods, such as: The "callate we're in church" glare The open ojo warnings The surprised, "Oh si, you think you're tough?" Mama Dolores will also cover how to adjust your gaze based on your hitos' age and the malés they're making. Sign-up at all Lowe's Super Save locations.

  Getting down for a chimi? Grabbing a Tallsup after putting gas? Yes, you'll smell like Allsups, and yes it will take some careful movidas to get your clothes smelling fresh again. We have a 3 wash process that works 100% of the time and we'll share it with you. Wash 1 Grab some osha and place a piece in the washer with your Allsups clothes Wash in osha and hot water so the clothing smells worse than the original Allsups smell Wash 2 Now that your clothes wreak of osha, place a small amount of Vicks under your nostrils to get you through the next steps Add vinegar to the washer and do a cycle on rinse only You're replacing the osha smell with the vinegar smell so you're 2 smells away from the Allsups smell Remove clothes and soak in Fabuloso in one of those tubs your get from the hospital. We know your Abuela has one saved. Wash 3 Place Fabuloso soaked clothing in washer Add fabric softener and wash the load like normal When the load is complete you will have successfu...